List of posts by Jade West
This is the page of Jade West's TheSlap posts. Posts *'Jade:' Isn't it awesome that my boyfriend joined TheSlap and never told me? Awesome. **'Cat:' No way!!! What a jerk! No offense, Beck, I think you're awesome. **'Beck:' Thanks, Cat. Jade, I joined two hours ago. **'Jade:' Yeah, exactly. TWO HOURS!!! *'Jade:' I hate lullabyes. Why would you sing to a baby while they're trying to sleep? Oh yeah, I hate babies. **'Cat:' Do you hate my profile page? Cuz there's baby heads all over it. *'Jade:' I hate October. *'Jade:' My dreams are exhausting. I wake up needing a nap. *'Jade:' Mustard is disgusting. Also, if you wear pink, I really don't like you. **'Cat:' I wear pink and I eat mustard. Do you hate me? Please say no. **'Jade:' You have no idea the hatred I feel for most people. **'Cat:' Phew. At least I'm not most people. I'm Cat. *'Jade:' Do you think an orange is named after the color or the fruit? If you even thought about that for 2 seconds, you're stupider than I thought. *'Jade:' Merry Christmas, losers. **'André:' And a merry Christmas to you, my lady. *'Jade:' Happy Valentine's Day (to Beck only). **'Beck:' Thank you, babe. Movies tonight? **'Jade:' You know how I love the dark! See ya there. *'Jade:' What I'm doing right now is none of your business. *'Jade:' Met a new girl this week. I won't say who she is. I'll only say that she sung Make It Shine in the Big Showcase. And her name is Tori Vega. *'Jade:' Sometimes I think that I'm having fun and then I realize I'm not. *'Jade:' Got a haircut today. Didn't even hurt. Such a waste of time. *'Jade:' Dogs are cute on TV, but in reality they're just balls of fur that drool on you. *'Jade:' I got hit in the eye by TORI. *'Jade:' I liked volcanic ash before, but now that my teacher is stuck in London for an indefinite amount of time, I like it even more! **'Robbie:' Wanna hear my song about volcanic ash? **'Jade:' No. *'Jade:' You know what matches black? Black. Why waste time with all those other colors? *'Jade:' Oh great. Spring is here. All the things I hate: Sun, allergies, and girls who go to the beach in tiny bikinis. **'Cat:' Yay, let's go to the beach! BTW, I got a new bikini! It's yellow and has pink polka dots on it! *'Jade:' Beck and I are NOT breaking up- No matter what you hear! **'Beck:' Well- **'Brisa: '''I think he wants to **'Jade:' Shut it. *'Jade:' Comment on stuff you hate! I'm working on a What I Hate video! *'Jade:' Sweating is for morons. *'Jade:' I love it when it rains and people get scared and pull over on a freeway. It's not like a meteor shower, people! *'Jade:' You know what I hate? When people stick the same knife they used for the jelly in the peanut butter jar. What if I just want peanut butter. Gross! *'Jade:' Bad thing about summer is how long it stays light out. Every day seems like an eternity. *'Jade:' Dear girl sitting next to me at the movies, your hair is an obnoxious color. Dye it anything but that. **'Cat:' Do you mean me? Sent from Cat's mobile phone. **'Jade:' Get off the phone and watch the movie! *'Jade:' Yep, it's that time of the month again. Time for a new What I Hate video. Enjoy it. Or don't. *'Jade:' My mom says "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all." My mom's stupid. *'Jade:' Pink stinks. **'Tori:' The color? **'Jade:' Yep. Just needed to be said. *'Jade:' The next person I hear using the phrase "Staycation" is getting a black eye. *'Jade:' Has anyone seen Sikowitz? **'Sikowitz:' I'm on TheSlap. **'Jade:' Yeah....but you're not in class. **'Sikowitz:' Nor will I be until my demands are met. **'Jade:' You sound like a crazy person. **'Brisa: You know Jade, I just wish u where nicer. **'Jade: '''Ok I will but only you. *'Jade: People shouldn't talk in the bathroom. I hate people yapping while I'm taking a waz! *'Jade:' Thursdays have no redeeming qualities. *'Jade:' This is a crisis. My day's completely ruined. just found out that "killing me softly" is a really sweet song. *'Jade:' In the janitor's office... destroying stuff... *'Jade:' I HATE Valentine's Day BUT I do think it would be fun to be cupid. Flying around shooting people with arrows and what not. *'Jade:' The flowers Beck bought me for Valentine's Day are ALMOST dead. Woo hoo! **'André: '''You are one twisted sister. *'Jade:' The only good thing about costume design class is all the many different types of scissors we get to play with. Fun. *'Jade:' I'd like to fast forward through high school and get to the goood stuff!' ' *'Jade:' The best part about being in a movie is being able to slap people and call it "acting". **'Cat:' Your acting made my face hurt. :( *'Jade:' I hate rainbows. After it rains, L.A.'s all nice and gloomy and they come along and ruin it. *'Jade:' Which do you think is worse? Being caught lip synching or falling off the stage? I can't decide. I find both hilarious. *'Jade:' I got a new look going on. Don't compliment me on it. I don't need your compliments. **'Tori:' It looks… nice? Is that a okay word to use? *'Jade:' Dear lemonade, I like you most when you're bitter... and in a can. *'Jade:' Now that I've accomplished my dream of pushing Tori off a 3 story building, I don't know what to do with my life. *'Jade: I'm so sick of ice cream right now. Just hearing the word "ice cream" makes me want to puke. **'Rex: '''Ice Cream **'Tori: 'Ice Cream **'André: 'Ice Cream **'Jade: 'I HATE you all! *'Jade: 'Alright, who gave Sinjin my phone number? Fess up **'Sinjin: 'It was Robbie. **'Robbie: 'Dude! **'Jade: 'Wait... who gave Robbie my phone number? *'Jade: 'Why does our school even have 1st-floor windows if you're not allowed to push people out of them? *'Jade: 'Wouldn't it be horrible if Tori was too injured and/or missing to be in the play tonight??!? **'Sikowitz: 'Jade, I've already told you not to passive-aggressively threaten the leading lady. *'Jade: 'Saturday night. Kind of bored. Think I'll go destroy Tori's "Prome" (which is a totally stupid name by the way). *'Jade: I'm planning on having a Hawaiian wedding. That way, if anyone objects, I can throw them in the nearest volcano. *'Jade: '''I hate when people say "I'll pencil you in". Um, no one uses pencils anymore. *'Jade: What's black and white and red all over? Me. I have a black & white dress on OVER my completely sunburned skin! #ReasonToStayInside **'Beck: '''I told you to wear sunscreen. **'Jade: 'You should know that I never do anything anyone tells me to do. *'Jade: I'm judging a 7th grade art show tonight. Gonna make some middle schoolers cry! Sounds like my kinda night! *'Jade: '''Another day of sunshine?!?! Are you kidding me LA?!?! *'Jade:' Today is my birthday. I know I said I hate birthdays… but I just meant everyone else's. Not mine. Mine's cool. **'Tori:' Happy Birthday! **'Jade:' Don't patronize me. **'Tori:' Sorry, sheesh! *'Jade:' I took home my dissected frog from science class. I named him "Gutsy" **'Cat:' I would have named him Hopper! **'Jade': Uh, maybe six months ago that name would have been better, Cat. *'Jade': If you have more than 2 bumper stickers on your car...I hate you! **'Festus:' Say one bad thing about my Grub Truck and I ban you for life. **'Jade:' Yeah, well I'll get my ravioli from some other truck. *'Jade': My family is planning a trip to Florida. Hurricanes, giant spiders, and old people. I can barely contain my excitement. *'Jade:' I just thought of something I DON'T hate: Seeing girls with 6" high heels trip and fall over at the mall. Just so satisfying. *'Jade: Beck's taking me on a date to a movie in a cemetery. Looks like he's finally figured out what makes girls happy. About time. *'Jade: '''Y'know, being a door to door knife salesman would be a perfect cover for a serial killer. **'Andre: 'You terrify me sometimes. *'Jade: 'Yeah, I'd be REEEEEEALLY broken up if Tori was kicked out of Hollywood Arts. And it would be TERRIBLE to win the lottery too, wouldn't it? **'Beck: 'I thought we talked about this? You said you'd stop being mean to Tori on TheSlap. **'Jade: 'I say a lot of nice things about Tori on TheSlap but somehow they never post to my profile. #weird. *'Jade: 'If I had a pool, I'd buy a pet shark and some leeches. Then I'd have a pool party! **'Cat: 'Yeah! Pool party! *'Jade: 'I gotta say Tori, that was one of the best plays I've ever seen! Congratulations! **'Tori: 'You only liked it because my sister got hurt, the set was destroyed, and the play was ruined! **'Jade: 'True. But I don't give compliments often so you should take what you can get. *'Jade: 'Someone asked me to "babysit" their poodle. They didn't appreciate that I shaved it. Not sure what they expected would happen. *'Jade: 'The bad news: I think I have the whooping cough. The good news: My voice sounds really sultry now. *'Jade: Been text-fighting Beck all day. My fingers are starting to hurt. Time to start yelling at him in person. *'Jade: '''What do you think would be worse? Being stuck on a desert island with Tori or having to talk to Sinjin for more than 5 minutes? **'Tori: C'mon, I'm not that bad. **'''Sinjin: I can't believe Jade just talked about me in a status update! *'Jade:' Sinjin sat his stupid butt on my fave scissors and now he's in the hospital getting stitches. What's he crying about? My scissors are RUINED! *'Jade:' I just bought a package of the hottest peppers that can legally be sold in the US. Whose sandwich should I hide one in first? *'Jade: '''One more thing I hate about Halloween: I never know if I'm walking thru a real spiderweb or a fake one. Ugh. *'Jade:' I hate when I order miso soup and the waiter asks if I want soup with that. Why would I want soup with my soup!?! *'Jade:' I was going to help this little old lady with her bags at the grocery store, but then I remembered that I don't help people. *'Jade:' Dear Hollywood Arts, I'll actually play a school sport when you get a Roller Derby team. I like any sport where you're allowed to elbow someone in the face. **'Lane:' Wait, aren't you already on the school Ping Pong team? **'Jade:' Oh. Right… That's totally a real thing. *'Jade:' I hate that Black Friday is just a day where everyone goes shopping at the mall. What a waste of a cool holiday name. *'Jade:' Loud talkers should be taken into a tiny room and shouted at for hours until they get how annoying it is. *'Jade:' Ugh… I'm Tori's Secret Santa. What did I ever do to Christmas that it hates me so much?!? *'Jade:' I like to think of vending machines as big glass piñatas. Which is why I'm not allowed to take a bat to school anymore. *'Jade: Any day you get to use a bone saw is a good day. *'''Jade: I really like Ebenezer Scrooge. He seems like my kind of dude. Well, that is until the end when he gets all happy and annoying. *'Jade:' Why is everyone so pumped for 2012? Isn't the world supposed to end this year? Actually that sounds pretty exciting. *'Jade:' First day back at school and we get leftovers at the Grub Truck! Ummm, is this leftovers from two weeks ago???? **'Festus:' Some food is better when left to ripen. **'Tori:' Not meatloaf! *'Jade:' Beck wants to take me to a musical, but I'm not sure I'll be able to hear it over the sound of my own gagging. *'Jade:' I hate people whose names rhyme. That's right… I'm talking to you Sherman Berman. **'Andre:' Hey don't mess with Sherman. He's good people. **'Cat:' Yeah, plus his name's really fun to say. Sherman Berman. Sherman Berman. *'Jade:' I HATE the fact that I got detention this Saturday but I LOVE the fact that Tori got it too. I'm so conflicted. *'Jade:' Seriously, is everyone at this school vegan? Makes me wanna eat a medium-rare extra-bloody prime rib out of spite. *'Jade: '''I hate baby food! What, is chewing too hard for you babies? Well, why don't you stop crying and grow some teeth already! **'Sikowitz:' Geez, who sprinkled bitterness in your coffee this morning? *'Jade:' Hey Robbie and Andre, if you can see this status update.... IT'S HAMMER TIME!!! **'Andre:' Awww, man. **'Robbie:' Nooooo, I'm on the toilet! **'Jade:' Do it anyway! *Jade:' '''Grammar lesson! It's not "Look, it's a pic of Beck and I" it's "Look, its a pic of Beck and Me"! Get it right, people! *'Jade': Yeah, yeah. Beck and I broke up. Can we talk about something else now… like how annoying Tori is? **'Tori:' Look I know you're hurt, but don't drag me into this. **'Jade:' I'm giving you 10 seconds to delete your comment. **'Tori:' I don't know how. :( *'Jade:' I refuse to bless people after they sneeze. What, just cuz your nose had a spasm you think people should care? *'Jade: '''I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT! HOPE THIS DOESN'T MAKE BECK JEALOUS! **'Cat: But I thought you were coming over tonight to help me watch my mom's boss' dog. **'Jade: '''SHUT UP! *'Jade: I hate when I think of something that I hate, but forget what it is when it's time to write it down. *'Jade:' On a forced play date with Tori. Yes, it's as horrible as it sounds. I officially hate Sikowitz. *'Jade:' I hate D.J.s. Oh wow, you can place a record on a record player. Congratulations! *'Jade:' Heads up people: Tomorrow, on St. Patrick's Day, I will NOT be wearing green. And if anyone tries to pinch me… I will do bad things to them. *'Jade:' I can't believe I was so nice to Tori today. April Fools' Day does weird things to a person. *'Jade: '''Hey Easter Bunny, do you care that 25 million Americans have diabetes? No, don't worry, just keep handing out sugar-coated chocolate eggs. *'Jade: I don't like driving during the day… but I'll make an exception to drive Tori somewhere "special." **'Tori: '''You're really freaking me out right now. *'Jade: 'Had to wear a pink dress today for a role. I quit the play. I think everyone won. *'Jade: 'Dear people of the internet: putting a vintage filter on your photos doesn't make your lame trip to the supermarket suddenly cooler. *'Jade: 'Going to go explore a creepy abandoned mall this weekend. Anyone wanna come? **'Tori: 'Sounds fun! Is it legal? **'Jade: 'Uh.........yeah? *'Jade: 'If you just emailed me something, you don't need to then IM and text me to tell me that you emailed me. I'll get it. *'Jade: 'So yeah, I let Tori perform on the Platinum Music Awards instead of me. Whatever. The stupid costume they made is itchy anyways. *'Jade: 'At the pharmacy. Across the counter there's a prescription marked "T. Vega". I'm dying to see what it is. **'Tori: 'What? Don't look in it! **'Jade: Too late. Just did. It's foot fungus cream *'Jade: '''I don't know why everyone loves that video of the piano-playing dog. He can't even keep a decent tempo. Amateur. **'Andre: You know, for once I agree with you. *'''Jade: Just wanna write down some things I hate: rainbows, award shows, the fact that the status can't fit all the stuff I hate. *'Jade: '''I have no eyebrows and I'm really mad about it... even if my brows can't properly show emotion right now. *'Jade:' Im so gonna get you Cat *'Jade:' I absolutely love when celebrities try to make a joke on award shows and they just bomb. Live awkwardness is the best! *'Jade: I'm so sad hockey season is over. I saw two dudes fighting on the street today, but they weren't on skates. It just wasn't the same. *'Jade: '''Papparazzi is everywhere at the Grove today. Barely any room to walk. Thank you Kourtney for showing up and ruining my Friday. *'Jade: Starring in a movie where my character is "clueless." I've been studying Cat for years so I think I can pull it off. **'Cat: '''Glad I could help! *'Jade: A TV star just moved into the house next door. But it's just a basic cable TV star so I'm not that excited. *'''Jade: For some reason I let Robbie borrow my phone and now it's all janked up. Man, Robbie ruins everything he touches. *'Jade: '''I just can't take any monster seriously that lives in a lagoon. Sorry Creature from the Black Lagoon. Maybe if you switched locations. *'Jade:' I hate when you go to a new restaurant and you match the waitresses' uniform -- 3 people asked me for a menu on my way to the bathroom! *'Jade:' In the TV show I'm writing, I play the main character and her evil twin. **'Rex:' Well you won't have to act much to play the evil twin. *'Jade:' You know, some people love to go to the beach and sit for hours waiting for the sunrise. I hate those people. *'Jade:' Even as a child, I only ever used the black crayon. *'Jade: I'm really sick but showed up to school anyway. I'm trying to see if I can aim my sneezes at people. *'Jade: '''Although I reallllllllyyyyyy don't want to babysit anyone's kids, I'm kind of offended that no one ever asks me to do it. *'Jade: Ugh! Hanging out with the Vega sisters all night is literally the worst thing I can think of. Well that and being squashed by a meteor. *'Jade:' This is kind of a strange question, but does anyone have a pair of bolt cutters I could borrow? **'Tori: '''I do. But will I regret letting you borrow them? **'Jade:' ....... probably. *'Jade:' I'm currently outside in a back alley watching two nerds slap themselves. Has my life really come to this? *'Jade:' I hate wire hangers. Seriously mom, you couldn't spend the extra 5 cents for the plastic ones? Ugh. I have hanger anger. *'Jade: There are three sushi places within walking distance. But I hate walking. So I ate a nasty sushi roll from The Grub Truck. I'm lazy sometimes. *'Jade: '''The guy at the coffee place put raisins in my oatmeal!!!! I HATE RAISINS! No one talk to me for the rest of the day! *'Jade: Tori is soooo pathetic trying to impress Moose. Can anyone come over and help me fit into this wedding dress? *'Jade:' I don't love much, but I love my Zombie Smasher game. If you haven't played it yet, don't talk to me until you have. *'Jade:' It really annoys me that everyone's going to look like me on Halloween. I think I'll wear pink to stand out. *'Jade: '''I love the fall. I can go outside at 5 pm and not have to deal with it being all bright and cheery out. Take that, sun! *'Jade:' 1) Beck and I are back together again. 2) All girls must stay at least 30 feet away from him at all times. 3) I'm not kidding. *'Jade:' Why are sweater sleeves never the right size? It's like they only design winter gear for short-armed weirdos. **'Robbie:' As a short-armed American, I find your comment offensive. **'Jade:' Eh, why don't you just go and scratch the middle of your back. Oh that's right, you can't! **'Robbie:' :( *'Jade:' Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice, right? Then how do I keep getting presents? Cuz I haven't been "nice" in a long time. *'Jade:' I'm watching a movie about a green guy who steals Christmas presents, and it's giving me a lot of good ideas. *'Jade': As a fan of the number 13, I think this will be a spectacular year for me. *'Jade:' Why is everyone laughing at me today? Did I turn into Burf overnight or something? **'Rex:' I don't NOSE. Why would they be laughing at you??? **'Tori:' Check out Pear Maps. I think you'll have a bone to PICK with it. **'Beck:' Guys don't be mean. It's SNOT what it looks like. *'Jade:' You know what I could buy with $10,000? A new tooth! Which I now need because of that stupid game show. Thanks Tori. *'Jade:' Great, I'm the star of the worst short film of all time. I mean, I was great but everything else was terrible! (Especially Robbie.) *'Jade:' My favorite part about Tori getting dragged by a dog while attempting to sing the National Anthem was all of it. *'Jade:' What's so hard to understand about a bunless, meatless, dairyless cheeseburger??? Get it together Inside-Out Burger! **'Tori:''' Ummm, what's left? Did you just want them to serve you air? Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes Category:Hollywood Arts